So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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