did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
babies were throwing up all over the place
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
