Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
