my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
