I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
