Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
