Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
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I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
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I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize