I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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