i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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