I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
