sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
