I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize