oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
