The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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