Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
