he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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