you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
