my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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