sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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