We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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