It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
