So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
