No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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