she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
