The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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