Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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