Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She needs sedatives and a leash
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
