Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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