I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't put those talents on a resume
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
