i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
