U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
