ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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