There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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