Are we in a gay sports bar?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
