Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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