we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
