I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
