Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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