I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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