ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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