I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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