I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
