right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
