Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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