My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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