what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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