A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
