i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
