do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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