she was so not down for the gang bang
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
