dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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