he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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