Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
