TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
