I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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