Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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