Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
