Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
