i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
