mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
