Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
