I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
