I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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